I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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