hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
where are my pants?
in the oven.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
