I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
its liver damage thursday
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
