i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Your penis caused this!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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