Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
