I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize