I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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