Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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