that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Im part way to drunk.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
