Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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