I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
