rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
