dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just cut my nipple shaving
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
