Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
