dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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