The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
