Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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