I'll bet she douches with gravy.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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