Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Randomize
