in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
