GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize