His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize