I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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