oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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