My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
