I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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