we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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