Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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