My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
vagina is talking i cant
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
