break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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