haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize