We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
