Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
