We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
