i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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