he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
