i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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