Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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