Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
