I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
