and you said cock pushups were impossible
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
