This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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