she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize