I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dick very happy bro
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
