They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
