You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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