That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
