I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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