a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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