my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
