Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
