I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
