i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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