Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
How's work?
Spinning.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need to calm my uterus...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
