PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
