hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
