Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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