I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
