i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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