He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
