The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
