he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
