I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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