He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize