After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
