6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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