meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
