smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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