Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
