Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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