Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
