Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
