I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
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