I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
