just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
