I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
