and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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