hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
