i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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