2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize