So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
