I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dignity is for republicans.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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